Stop! You're killing me!

More mirth from the 9/11 Commission.

Slade Gorton, a Republican on the commission, said the memo "did talk about potential attacks in the United States," but "it didn't give the slightest clue as to what they would be or where they would be."

"The FBI has more questions to answer than Condoleezza Rice or (former presidential anti-terrorism adviser) Dick Clarke or anyone we've had testify before us so far," said Gorton, a former senator from Washington state.

Gorton said the reference in the memo sent to the president about 70 FBI investigations "would be sort of comforting to the person who read it the first time around."

Oh my, so much richness in so few words. Where to start, where to start?

Well, how about at the beginning, where Gorton in effect admits Rice was lying through her damned teeth right up to the moment of being sworn in, insisting repeatedly that all the intelligence was about attacks outside the US?

Then there's the "no clue" line. The humor has been dulled by overuse, but it's still good for a chuckle. I mean, wouldn't you think the response would be "Is this all we know? Who the hell is in charge of this? Let's get on the stick, people!"

Instead we get "Darn that rude bin Laden! He still won't send us a telegram saying exactly when, were, and how he intends to attack! Oh, well, I guess then there's nothing we can do, huh?"

(Sidebar: What do you want to bet that if the info said "September 11, hijack planes, fly them into buildings in DC and New York," the Bushites would now be saying "Well, after all, it didn't specify the flight numbers or anything....")

Oh, and how about that rib-splitter about the "comforting" fact of 70 FBI investigations?

"Uh, Sir? Reports are that the drought in the western states of the US is worsening."

"Oh, uh, really?"

"Yes, Sir. And wildfires are a real concern. In fact, firefighters are monitoring 70 suspicious places right now."

"Oh, well, that's very comforting."

But notice, too, the continuing development of the "structure" meme I predicted a couple of days ago, especially by those desperately trying to keep Shrub off the hook: "The FBI has more questions to answer" than anyone else, Gorton insists.

Now, the briefing says that the agency told the White House, among other things, that it had 70 investigations going, that there was an active al-Qaeda support network in the US, and there was a recent report of terrorists with explosives entering the US. And the White House did exactly squat with that information.

It seems there was this conservative minister in a small town by a large river. The river was in danger of seriously flooding, and people were advised to leave. When a truck came by to get the minister, however, he refused.

"God will take care of me," he told the driver with a smile.

Well, the river did flood its banks and water began to cover the roads. Two people came by in a rowboat and offered to take the minister, now watching the water lap over the top of his steps, out. Again, he declined the offer with assurances that God would look after him.

The water, however, continued to rise and the minister had to take refuge on the second floor. He was watching out the window as a powerboat passed. The passengers shouted at him to get in the boat. And once more, he turned them away with thanks.

"God is here for me," he told them as they moved off.

But the waters continued to rise until the minister was forced onto the roof. A helicopter approached and dropped a ladder for him to climb up.

"No, thank you," he shouted up to the crew. "God will protect me!"

But still the waters rose. And now the minister is standing as tall as he can with the waters touching his chin and slowly creeping still higher. Finally beginning to despair, he cries out.

"My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?"

And a voice booms down from the heavens, "I sent you a truck, two boats, and a damn helicopter! What more did you want?"

Sidebar: I don't know why this struck me funny, but it did. My spell-checker just suggested "Candlewick" as a replacement for "Condoleezza."