Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Checking in

I haven't been posting much of late - obviously - and I've been trying to decide if I'm going to let this fade away to one of those blogs that gets two random hits a day and has a new post up once every month maybe and when I see those I wonder why they are bothering or if I'm going to get renewedly if there is such a word serious about it.

The thing is, as I've noted a couple of times recently, I am feeling really dispirited, more so than in a long time. That makes it hard to find the energy to keep up with this thing (and, for that matter, with the news, the lifeblood of any political blog). Add to that some personal hassles relating to family finances and health ("family" including here both people and pets), and blogging - especially the way I do it when I do it - keeps falling to the bottom of the pile.

Oh, "the way I do it?" I work on my posts, dammit. They usually refer to multiple sources, are re-written for clarity (though at that I still fail often enough), and never (okay, almost never) consist either of something like "Oy!" or "Wanker!" with a link or a lengthy quote from someone or somewhere else with a one- or two-sentence comment at the end. (Except, that is, when I'm quoting myself, which I do fairly often and I figure kinda doesn't count.) If that sounds egotistical, so be it; I think a number of my posts are worth reading.

But then again, who am I? I'm a nobody, somebody the generalized "you" never heard of and never had cause to, just another schlub with a blog, fantasizing that their ideas, thoughts, opinions, and judgments could be of interest to others although why they should be you occasionally - and sometimes more frequently - allow yourself to wonder. I'm doing a lot of wondering these days, wondering (as I have in times past when I was feeling low) if what I'm accomplishing, what I'm contributing, here is worth the effort I've put into it.

I do know I've sparked some discussion at least once: One of my posts has gotten over 7,000 hits and generated over 300 comments here and elsewhere. And I do know that a couple of people have used some of my posts, particularly on global warming, as source material. But that seems small enough in the face of over 3600 posts over six and a-half years. Ultimately, the thing is that if Lotus went dark I don't know if there is anyone who would miss it. Other than me, I mean.

But I haven't given up, not yet anyway, and I've been working on a post for a couple of days now, struggling to say just what I mean just how I mean and becoming very frustrated because I can't get it to come together that way I want. Eventually I will give up and say the hell with it, here it is, however it is. So is that something to look forward to?

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